Time of White Horses

“He discovered for the first time that music has more than one color. After all he was now hearing a yellow music that was a far cry from the green music that had once filled his being.” –Ibrahim Nasrallah, from The Time of White Horses p. 158 

The photograph above, taken by Don Usner, shows a descendant of the white horse Hamama. Strangely, though, it was taken in New Mexico, not Palestine, eighty years after the story takes place. . .

Time of White Horses

If you love horses, please read Time of White Horses.  If you want to understand what is happening in Palestine today, please read this novel about the village of Hadiya. If you love beautiful literature, that too is reason enough to read the book. 

A New Day

It’s a new day for Palestine, my friend from the West Bank told me, a day after the ceasefire between Israel and militants in Gaza. The night before, at 2am, Palestinians throughout the Occupied Territories, Gaza, and inside Israel had poured into the streets to celebrate. It was May 22, and I had just finished a raft float through a canyon down the Green River in Utah. When I returned to cell phone service and internet coverage area, I began scanning the news for what had happened since I was gone. 

I feel terrible for missing all the demonstrations here in the U.S., I told him. As I frantically tried to catch up, all the news was about the 250 people or more who were dead in Gaza. Also: demonstrations across the United States, led by younger generation Palestinians.

Please, my friend said, go back into the canyon.  This is where the Palestinians want you.  You go on your rafting trip, and look what happens. I laughed inside my tent, speaking to him across a gaping distance. Again: It’s a new day for Palestine. 

What he meant was: what a very long time it had been since there had been this solidarity between all Palestinians.  Palestinians in East Jerusalem, in the West Bank, in Gaza, inside Israeli (the ‘48 Palestinians), in Areas A, B, and C, H1, H2, etc etc all live under  different legal regimes, rules, and different relationships to Israel. The daily circumstances of their captivities look different. Their elected leaderships do not share perspectives, strategy, or tactics, and typically do not organize together according the the principles of solidarity. 

This particular struggle in May had started with the pending evictions of residents from their homes in Sheikh Jarrah in East Jerusalem. In East Jerusalem, as in other parts of the West Bank, home evictions by the Israeli state and home thefts by Israeli settlers are a regular occurrence. The legal regime under which the state of Israel does this now is through the permitting of houses. Permits for houses are prohibitively expensive.  If a Palestinian family does not have a permit, their house can be taken over or bulldozed.  It is a common practice, uninterrupted since 1948. When I visited East Jerusalem and the West Bank, I was surprised by how continuous the onslaught of home destructions and takeovers was, although I shouldn’t have been. 

Palestinians in East Jerusalem demonstrated against the theft of homes in Sheikh Jarrah as the Israeli Supreme Court deliberated, and Israeli security forces brutally repressed the protests, arresting hundreds of young Palestinians. Just as the evictions are common, so too are these type of demonstrations. But the repression in May hit new levels. As it continued to escalate, the militant organization Hamas (democratically elected leadership of Gaza) and other militants in Gaza sent rockets into Israel to show solidarity with the residents of East Jerusalem.  

This is unusual, because the leadership in Gaza normally concerns itself with defending the Palestinian people in Gaza, whereas the Palestinian Authority is the recognized leadership of Palestinians in the West Bank, on the other side of Israel. However, since the Oslo Peace Accords in 1994, which sanctified and codified the the apartheid division of Israel into Palestinians bantustans, the Palestinian Authority has been more dedicated to keeping the peace- – and therefore defending the status quo–  than to the liberation of the Palestinian people. 

In the uprisings, or intifadas, of 1987 and 2000, the young Palestinian “street” rose up in mass action against the Israeli authorities despite, not because of, their elected leaders. For most of the time since the Occupation, local leadership has concerned itself with finding local grassroots solutions to the unique problems faced by Palestinians in the West Bank, in East Jerusalem, inside Israel (where 20% of the population is Palestinian), and across the gaping divide in Gaza.  But this time there was more solidarity, more coordinated action. Certain truths became more self evident. 

An example of such a grassroots leader, a vocal opponent of the Palestinian Authority leadership, was a man named Nizar Banat.  He was a candidate in elections against the PA leadership.  He was dragged out of his bed this past June 24th by PA forces and killed.  When I read about him, I thought again and again and again about the main character in the book I was reading, Hajj Khaled. In my imagination, Banat’s face has become the face of the book’s main character. 

Nizar Banat, who was killed by the Palestinian Authority.  From his FB profile, via Electronic Intifada. 

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Hadiya 

When I started leasing a horse and talking about how much I love riding, the same Palestinian friend sent me a copy of Time of White Horses by Ibrahim Nasrallah, which was published in Arabic in 2007 but not in English until 2012. 

I had had fantasies about horses for a long time. When I was in Bethlehem, I snuck away from a restaurant dinner with my companions and rode a horse through an olive grove one night, so I had some idea of how Palestinians felt about their horses.  But I had no idea how their love of the animals was intricately wound together with the Palestinian national struggle.  

Time of White Horses - Ibrahim Nasrallah - Paperback (9789774167577) »  Bokklubben

The book takes place in Palestine from the twilight of the Ottoman Empire prior to WWI through the British Occupation, a time that set the table for the establishment of the state of Israel in 1948. Reading it helped me to understand what is happening in East Jerusalem and the West Bank right now in a visceral way, and a historic way. It made me understand the emotional component of the strategic decisions made by Palestinian leaders, both elite and grassroots.  And it made me understand the consequences of those decisions.  

The story of what happens to the village of Hadiya, and what the villagers do in response, is the story of all Palestine. Hadiya is a fictional village, but modelled exactly on the hundreds of Palestinian villages destroyed by the British and the Israelis, such as the one that the author grew up in. Time of White Horses traces the phases of the colonial devastation of the village, each accompanied by an existential environmental catastrophe. The Ottoman Empire teeters on the brink of collapse during an extreme drought. “The earth turned over like a bundle of straw, and time turned over.” (227). Weddings are delayed in response to the great disaster, and Ottoman tax collectors raid the village in search of grain and meat“owed” to them. The wind becomes overwhelming, enveloping everything. Munira and her daughter Aziza, two of the book’s main characters, are made to crack chicken eggs and swallow the developing fetuses whole. 

WWI is only hinted at vaguely in background, hardly figuring in the storyline of the book, and happening a universe away. Locusts accompany the arrival of the British occupation in Palestine. At times “there was nothing but the sound of the wind, that cosmic hand that was rolling the earth into a ball however it pleased and flying it about” (358)

A Jewish settlement is built on fertile land belonging to Hadiya during the drought, the worst that anyone can remember, so bad that the villagers are not sure they will recover. “Beneath their feet in the foothills, the flowers would bloom, then wither before their very eyes, as if all the seasons of the year had come together in a single day” (334). The Jewish settlers arrive on the hills above the village to build their settlement behind barbed wire. Locusts and wind storms accompany the arrival of the settlers and destroy the crops. The settlement slowly encroaches on the village’s farmland, and is protected by British soldiers. The book’s main character, Hajj Khaled, and other villagers from Hadiya are tortured by British soldiers for settling fire to the Jewish settlement. 

Climate catastrophe tag-teams with colonialism to destroy the idyllic life of the villagers. In the darkest moments of colonial occupation “the horizon seemed closed” (360). 

Everything that happens in the book sets the stage for the theft of houses and raising of Palestinian villages that happened in 1948. For those of us in the United States who work in solidarity with Palestinians, we often think of this nakba, but not of what came before.  We don’t think about the debates among villagers in places like Hadiya, about what to do at the very dawn of the theft of their land. How could they predict what would happen next? Should they tolerate and negotiate with the settlers? Engage in battle? Appeal to British authorities who pretended to be a neutral force to ensure the peace in the area?  

As Hajj Khaled contemplates these questions, the same ones contemplated by indigenous leaders here in the United States, he rubs his brow with the fingers of his left hand. 

And to me, understanding the dynamics driving people’s decisions is one of the major reasons to read Time of White Horses. 

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Horses and freedom 

One of the central figures in the book is Hajj Khaled’s white horse Hamama, and one could be faulted for reading the first quarter of the book and thinking that it was solely about the love between Palestinian people and their horses. In other works, Nasrallah has another human character whose mother is a horse, because he was fed by her milk when his own mother died in childbirth. In Time of White Horses, Khaled recovers from the devastating death of his first wife because of how deeply he loves Hamama, and what they mean to each other.  Later in the book his son Naji chooses his wife based on how badly he wants the woman’s horse. Women in the book give their husbands permission to go off to join the guerilla resistance by giving their horses permission to carry the men to the front lines. One of the most respected figures of the Palestinian resistance is Rayhana, whose horse Adham helps her to defeat her abusive husband, an agent of the Ottoman state. 

In the book Hamama’ stormy independence comes to symbolize the freedom of the Palestinian people. One of the initial ways that Khaled establishes himself as a gifted guerilla leader is by recovering the horse from Ottoman agents who steal her. She is coveted by both the Ottoman and British occupation forces, but never falls into their hands. 

One of the most poignant scenes in the book is when Palestinian rebel forces attempt to ambush a British military convoy. But they have been betrayed by a man who was released from a British prison in exchange for information about the rebels.  Because the British commander Edward Patterson knows about the plans for an ambush, he readies British warplanes to attack the rebels.  The Palestinian’s horses, including Hamama, have to make a three kilometer break for the forest while being strafed by the British planes, running terrified from the ungodly noise that no animal can comprehend and the explosion of rocks around them.  The battle that pits horses against “mad metallic birds” (449) is a bloody stalemate. 

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Strategy

Time of White Horses focuses in particular on the rebellion of 1936-39. In the period when empires shifted, Palestinians had to try to predict the future and act accordingly. The book’s characters debate whether empires outlive men, or men outlive empires. They choose their course of action depending on which side of that debate they fall on. 

There is near-total solidarity in the village of Hadiya and in neighboring villages for protecting the identity of guerilla forces, and of those who set fire to the encroaching settlements. On the “worst nights of their lives” villagers are made to shiver outside in the bitter cold during a British army siege organized by Edward Patterson. Then for the next week, they have to march ten miles a day to the British army station to check in. Despite the fact that several children and elders die, they do not give Patterson the information he is looking for about the rebels. “At the same time, they knew they were slaying Patterson by their endurance just as he was slaying them with his cruelty.” (463). 

But several of the characters, exceptions to the rule, collaborate with those empires- starting with Habab, the deranged tax collector for the Turks who is compulsively attracted to the power that such a position affords him. His treatment of villagers, and his treatment of his own family members feed off of each other on a downward spiral of violence. Then there is Sabri al-Najjar, the official mayor of Hadiya who makes his peace with British authorities, despite the fact that he is made to suffer like the rest of the villagers. And Abd al- Latif al Hmadi, leader of a neighboring village who aligns his whole village with British power. He even steals weapons from Hajj Khaled and his forces in Hadiya in a power struggle. There are also several prominent informants in the book who change the course of the story, such as Hajj Khaled’s brother-in-law, and an inmate in a British prison who is freed in exchange for information about a rebel ambush. 

Then there is Salim Bek al-Hashemi, a rich Palestinian financier known as a nationalist leader because of his financial support for the Palestinian cause. He’s enamored by invitations to attend lavish dinner parties with British administrators and Jewish settlers. When the villagers of Hadiya come to him for help, he badly damages their case. Hajj Khaled’s Aunt Anissa admonishes men in the village for looking to the likes of al-Hashemi for help. “‘A person would think you’ve never fought with Hajj Khaled, Iliya!’” she says. “‘You’re still as good-hearted and gullible as ever! What’s this you’re saying about Salem Bek al-Hashemi and others of his ilk? That they’re defending the homeland? Everybody who’s defended the homeland has either died on the gallows or been shot by the Jews and the British. As for these ‘leaders,’ they only die of natural causes!  How amazing!’” (502). 

These characters stand in for Arab elites in reality who chose to align themselves with the occupying forces. Perhaps they based their decisions on the likely outcome and the balance of forces, or perhaps they were purely opportunistic, like Bek al-Hashemi who profits off of his relationship with the British. These nationalist elites in reality participates in task forces and committees “dealing with issues pertaining to labor, roads, commerce, and agriculture.” (482) Even some Arab leaders, such as those residing in Syria at the time of the occupation, who genuinely opposed the British Occupation, based their strategic decisions on what they think is possible; what is realistic to win, and what the balance of forces are. 

But Hajj Khaled’s calculations, as he works his brow with the fingers of his left hand, are different. Representing the grassroots of Palestinian society, he looks into the future and wonders: what will become of us if we don’t resist now? What will ever change? He has not been caught up in the logic of compromise with the British Empire, and in this way he is much like the young generation of Palestinians today who are not represented by a political party and have not been included in high-level negotiations with the occupying force. He is not impractical or hard-headed, he just understands that compromise simply won’t work. In a settler colonial situation, compromise is the first step on the path to erasure. So he resists even when the conditions seem impractical. 

Nasrallah does not suggest, romantically, that Hajj Khaled’s strategies of resistance are likely to succeed.  In fact the readers, like the villagers in Hadiya, are surprised to find that while all of the focus of the resistance has been on the Turks, the British, and the Jewish settlements, the theft of Hadiya’s land has been organized by the Greek Orthodox monastery. The monastery has been in the village for generations, under the pretext of educating the children, and paying the village’s taxes to protect it from the occupying forces of first the Ottomans and then the British. In reality though, the religious order’s function was to steal land deeds from the villagers.

The end of Time of White Horses is concerned with anti-colonial strategy and tactics, Characters infiltrate the British police force, figuring out ways to get information and weapons. Some of the Palestinians who had formerly collaborated with the British are pushed by the occupying forces’ brutality back into the arms of the resistance. And they attempt to use colonial courts to win justice One of the few sympathetic elite characters in the book is the lawyer al-Marzuki. He represents the villagers in court with flair, creativity, cunning, and sarcasm. At this very moment there are lawyers battling against colonial oppression in Israeli courts, and I hope they have read this book. (People in the neighborhood of Sheikh Jarrah have just rejected a compromise proposed by the Israeli Supreme Court, whereby they can stay in their houses if they pay rent on them to an Israeli settlement association. Like the monastery in Hadiya, the Israeli settlers have attempted to steal legal title to the land, and the legality of this arrangement will be codified if the residents of Sheikh Jarrah accept the deal. So they won’t.) The settlement of the case is not the end of the book; the history of colonialism and anti-colonialism will be a slow dogfight of endurance. 

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Here is the story of Nizar Banat, who reminds me of Hajj Khaled (Electronic Intifada):

And here is the story of the village of Beita, a village just like Hadiya, going through similar things today (Mondoweiss): 

Here is my earlier story of Hebron, the city that Nizar Banat is from: 

Settler Fantasies and Fences Part IV: Mongolia (a photo essay with Michael)

Deserts and grasslands have silence. Space and the wind in abundance, and a scale where the distance to water discourages visitors who do not know the terrain from walking too far out into the landscape where the edge is not the horizon, a canyon or a mountain but an unmarked expanse beyond our limits.”  –Michael P Berman 

Michael P. Berman 

Michael began teaching me to see for a reason known only to him. He assigned himself to be my hunting mentor, since when I met him I already loved to eat elk, but had no practical hunting skills. 

He’s a Guggenheim winning photographer, and one of the founders of the Gila River Information Project, a scrappy non-profit based in Silver City. The organization holds Freeport McMoRan accountable for reclamation work at their copper mine in southern New Mexico, and prevents the damming of the Gila River. 

He wonders: what is grass supposed to look like? Let’s say, for example, that the grass had not been trampled by cattle, let’s even say cattle had never been brought to this continent. Let’s say the rivers hadn’t been poisoned, dammed, and diverted.  Let’s say the land hadn’t been enclosed by fences. What would the grass look like? 

Michael’s theory is that here in the US the closest that you come to seeing grass as it might or sound be is in urban areas- like the parking lots of Walmarts that abut streams- where you can see some healthy riparian. Because there is no ranching or farming, you can find unlikely healthy ecoscapes all around the edges of urban development, if you are looking. 

I got brought up by my activist elders to view private property as the root of all evil; it explains the accumulation of wealth into the hands of the few. It explains women being treated as property, and hence our oppression; it explains colonialism as well as the drive to exploit workers more and more and more. 

Michael is into complexity, so he would never use terms like “the root of all evil.” But if he were to identify one, he would name cows and the fences that come along with them. 

So in this Michael and I dovetailed perfectly and decided to go to Mongolia to look around, because Mongolia is a country without fences. (Or, really, it’s more accurate to say that he invited me to go, as he went every year from 2016-2018). Michael had told me that there were no fences, and this captured my imagination. When we got there, however, I was genuinely surprised to find that there really and truly weren’t any. Driving out across a land with almost no fences and few roads unbent certain rutted roads in my mind and in my body’s spatial memory.  The paths and highways that we travel are always bounded, always by barbed wire. In the United States, highways only belong to the places where they take you too or from. They are separate from the land that they sit on top of.  (This is perhaps doubly true in Israel.)  Not so in Mongolia, where you navigate a car or a horse or a camel in the ways that boats might be navigated. 

When we came back, we wrote this photo essay. 

https://truthout.org/articles/a-step-forward-for-conservation-in-mongolia/

A Step Forward for Conservation in Mongolia?

Mining and tourism have not encroached here, on the road on the Southeast border Gobi B, Hatsav Chiyn, Mongolia.MICHAEL BERMAN

BY Sarah Knopp & Michael Berman, Truthout

Balanced between the Russian and Chinese superpowers, both of which are mineral- and energy- hungry, Mongolia is rich in resources. Three million people share a landmass one-sixth the size of the United States. Because of the sparseness of the population, several of its ecosystems are complex enough to host rare and endangered large mammal species. Wild camels, for example — distinct from their domesticated cousins used for transport and food — shyly evade human contact in southern Mongolia. An aboriginal herding tradition is surviving even as it changes. Even though dirt bikes (rather than horses) are often used for herding, for example, traditional grazing and hunting routes are still used because the land is not parceled into private property.

Horses and a motorcycle-mounted herder cross the steppe.MICHAEL BERMAN

Herders use motorized vehicles and animals interchangeably even as they try to preserve traditional practices.MICHAEL BERMAN

At a haircutting ceremony, the Daah Urgeeh, aboriginal traditions are kept alive.MICHAEL BERMAN

Even domesticated animals roam wide swaths of land. Uninterrupted by the fences and barbed wire that are so ubiquitous in the US West that we hardly notice them anymore, the Mongolian steppe stretches the imaginations of outsiders.

  • The proposed addition to Gobi B at Ulaan Hyar would gain additional protections.MICHAEL BERMAN

The contest over land use in Mongolia will have major impact on species survival, as well as geopolitical importance for the Chinese and Russian economies. This November and December, the Mongolian parliament is discussing whether to almost double the size of the Great Gobi B Strictly Protected Area, from around 900,000 hectares more than 1,500,000. In Western Mongolia, the Great Gobi B Strictly Protected Area is the only protected area of the Dzungarian Gobi. This summer, we traveled to the Gobi protected areas with Ganbaatar Oyunsaikhan, chief administrator for the Great Gobi B, and G. Dovchindorj, a biologist and conservationist who works to protect the wild Bactrian camel.

These camels in Great Gobi B are not wild, but they roam the land freely.MICHAEL BERMAN

In Great Gobi B, shin-high scrub and stipa grass transition into desert macadam. Springs become small rivers, die on the surface, and emerge as oasis grass and tamarisk arroyo bottoms. Wild takhi horses native to the Mongolian steppe, previously held in captivity in European zoos, have been reintroduced through collaboration between Mongolian officials and international conservation groups, like the Prague Zoo and the International Takhi Group. These species join wild ass, gazelle, ibex, wolf, snow leopard and mountain sheep in the area.

Przewalski’s horse, the wild Takhi, circling at the approach of vehicles in Great Gobi B.MICHAEL BERMAN

In Bijiyn Gol, the Gobi B headquarters, weather rolls in.MICHAEL BERMAN

Oyunsaikhan wanted to show us every inch of the area that he is charged with protecting in southwestern Mongolia. He is a fierce conservationist. About eight years ago, he realized that the park wasn’t big enough to provide a safe habitat for all its animals. “We had an especially hard winter in 2009-2010,” Oyunsaikhan said. “During harsh winters and droughts, the wild ass in Great Gobi B needed to extend their range in order to survive. They left the park in search of sufficient food, and because of this, became vulnerable to poachers.” He and others began to lobby for an expansion of the park.

Ganbaatar Oyunsaikhan, administrator of Great Gobi B, is a leading advocate for the expansion of national parks in Mongolia.MICHAEL BERMAN

In addition to land, mineral deposits of gold, copper and coal are abundant in Mongolia. Chinese, Russian, US and Canadian companies are developing extensive extractive sites, sometimes in joint ventures with the Mongolian government. The Mongolian mining minister doubled the amount of land available for exploration and extraction in 2017 to 20 percent of Mongolia’s overall land base. This may accelerate coal extraction, because Mongolia sits atop the 15th largest coal reserves in the world.

Conservation offsets do not actually undo the harm that mines have done.

In the South, huge coal mines feed Chinese industries through veins of transport along hurriedly constructed roads teeming with exhaust-belting mega-trucks. Copper, gold and coal together comprise the lion’s share of Mongolian exports and about a third of its gross domestic product. Domestic energy is dominated by coal-burning stoves, making Ulaanbaatar one of the most polluted capital cities in the world.

Unlike the Umnugobi province, where the Great Gobi A Strictly Protected Area is located, Khovd province, home to Great Gobi B, is not mined for gold, copper or coal. While this may be beneficial to the ecosystem, there is a catch: There are fewer resources available for conservation. Mining interests are mandated to fund “conservation offset” projects, but these funds are controlled by the provincial authorities, not the central government. Therefore, the localities with the most success in conservation funds are those that allow extensive mining. “In Great Gobi B, we have no mining and far fewer tourists,” said Oyunsaikhan. “Which unfortunately means far fewer dollars for conservation.”

In addition to the conservation offsets required of mining corporations, Western nonprofits have jumped into the conservation game in Mongolia since the retreat of the Soviet empire. Groups like The Nature Conservancy have funded efforts to try to prevent species extinction, especially of some of Mongolia’s amazing and rare large mammal species, like the snow leopard. As Oyunsaikhan pointed out, such conservation dollars are often tied to areas that attract tourists. The Nature Conservancy has also, though, jumped into the “mining mitigation” game, advising the Mongolian government on how to use conservation offsets through its “Mitigation Design Tool,” which implies that there is a win-win strategy that can encompass both mining development and conservation.

The problem is that conservation offsets do not actually undo the harm that mines have done. There has been scant attention paid to mining reclamation in Mongolia, and little effort to demand cleanup or reparations from any of the damage done by extraction industries in the decades of Soviet control. A small group of Mongolian and Russian scientists has teamed up with the Southwest Research and Information Center, a small New Mexico-based think tank that focuses on repairing the damage done by mining. This team has focused on proposing a reclamation plan for the Oyu Tolgoi gold and copper mine 200 kilometers East of the provincial capital Dalanzadgad.

If conservation efforts are going to succeed in the future, the Mongolian government will have to figure out how to solve the paradox rooted in the fact that provinces have an incentive to authorize further extractive development. Conservation offsets required of mining companies are the most lucrative source of money to help preserve and restore the complexity of the multitude of ecosystems across the vast country. At the same time, Mongolian sovereignty on this issue is compromised by the fact that large nongovernment organizations (NGOs) and international donors can set the agenda for preservation through their programs and deep pockets, unless there are strong and independent directives coming from inside Mongolia.

Mongolians trace their conservationism back to the Ikh Zasag legal code of Genghis Khan eight centuries ago. Environmental safeguards, like protection of air and water, were integrated into the overall systems of laws — unlike in Western constitutions centuries later, when environmental regulations were added as an afterthought, in many cases, decades or centuries after the original legal frameworks were written. In Chinggis Khaan’s Mongolia, clean air and water and protected sacred sites were not seen as separate from laws governing the conduct of people.

Conservationist impulses in governance continued thereafter; Mongolia established the world’s first national park in the late 18th century, for example, while the bourgeois democracy concurrently being born in France would not be as visionary on the need for the protection of land for well over a century. Mongolia would not be integrated into the global industrial economic system that treats land and resources as disposable until becoming a satellite state of the Soviet Union in 1921.

Great Gobi B, a Strictly Protected Area, continues to have stringent restrictions on development. The Ministry of the Environment and Tourism administers the protected areas — an illustration of how closely conservation efforts have become tied to tourism and the funding of international environmental NGOs. National conservation parks, nature reserves and monuments offer somewhat less protection than Strictly Protected Areas. As the world’s appetite for Mongolia’s mineral resources becomes more insatiable, environmental protection practices could become a key issue of national sovereignty for the Mongolian state, which spent much of the last century under the control of the Chinese empire or as a satellite state of the Soviet Union.

The parliamentary vote on expanding the Great Gobi B Strictly Protected Area will be an important view of what it is to come.

Roads, such as this one through Gobi B Tahiyn Tal Basin, are often double-track paths.MICHAEL BERMAN

Looking East into the Mongol Altayn Nuru Altar Mountains on tour with Ganbaatar.

Settler Fantasies and Fences Part 3: Hunting

In a juniper and pinon forest in the South of New Mexico, I killed my first elk. There are no ways to describe it, except through poetry.  This is the poem I wrote afterwards. 

Only a forest as sparse as this could 

be both broad and quiet enough to hear. 

Everything quiet except 

her eyes on me saying yes

jagged pranayama breath 

attempt to stay calm.

 

People knew about sparse forests once 

moved across the land

before the snarling violence of fences 

private property stranglechoke. 

I don’t remember asking Them for guidance 

apparently didn’t need to ask to get it but I do remember asking 

Teacher Can I Shoot Standing Up 

yes

My mouth a perfect O 

after the terrible thunder 

gaping at still Michael Camoface 

instead of studying through the scope likeishouldhavebeen

Second Shot he snapped, moving now, but 

I couldn’t work the action fast enough 

my body dumbheavy

Where is the blood oh my god did I miss

Everything that was still in motion

I fucked it all up again

could have injured her scoped myself bloody 

forgot the gate code cut myself on a knife ruined 

it all, froze my ass off what am I doing here anyway 

could crash the truck i always fuck everything up

Everything that had been quiet thundering.

 

And then we saw the giant body swell on 

tufts of recovering blue yellow grey grass 

one third ground cover.

Oh my god I said into the giant bunny ears and stroked them 

so they could hear me say thank you 

only wanting to peel all my clothes off 

and get inside her hotness.

He prefers the musk at the joints and I prefer 

the sleek smell of clean shiny muscle 

popping sticky bubbles

There is a lot of work to do.  He said. 

Which means stop stroking the fur 

squeezing thick white neck fat getting fur on my hands 

stop wanting her head on my lap 

wanting her clean life 

thanking the universe for a clean shot

 

Usually cold like this makes me think of 

my brother crying terrible panic cry in suburbia 

frost on the windows and nothing outside and 

that’s about as bad as it gets.

but now this cold seems like 

another kind of truth. 

When we popped the grass stomach 

white-blue shiny vein bubble 

then the bald eagle came. 

Because smell is the truest thing.  

“She gave herself to you,” is what Sarah James, the Gwich’in elder told me, when I told her the story of that first elk. We had been talking about the Caribou hunt in Alaska, and hoping to get invited up North on a hunting trip, I told her my story about successfully hunting a cow elk. She did invite me to Alaska, but I wasn’t sure if I could handle the cold. I never had to decide, because the pandemic hit and I couldn’t go anyway. 

Why I went hunting: I can cease to be alienated from my food, I told myself, more connected to the land, connected to the ancestors, by being a hunter. But of course the problem was that I wasn’t (and still am not) that good of a shot. Worse, I hate guns, I hate shooting, and I hate practicing. I hate the thunderous kick of my .257 or a .270 against my shoulder, hate burning through ammo, hate it when I don’t know what I’m doing, and I’m usually trying to practice alone because my shooting and hunting mentors live hundreds of miles away from me. Every time I take a shot, I feel the gravity of what I’m doing, think about what could happen, and worry. 

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On a future day, in Wyoming, near Jasper.  

Since I never win the “lottery” and draw for a tag in New Mexico, my hunting mentor Michael and I had decided to drive up to Wyoming, where you can buy an over-the-counter elk tag. We headed to his friend’s ranch just outside of oil country, on a bare and wind-whipped section of land. This land felt empty for some reason, like some terrible act had been committed here. The sky was  permanently grey. 

This land had also been grazed by cattle, so the ground was in terrible shape, and Michael told me that there were plenty of elk here but that they were stressed. The grass and the ground here made it look like we were on a different planet than the one I had been in in the Valles Caldera in New Mexico. Here it was trampled and dusty, no tufts of grass. 

The high ranch land rings a valley; we started up high on the south end of the property that we had permission to hunt, working our way downhill and east. I became a lizard in my head; I was aware of everything happening around me. Every fiber of me wanted meat. It takes awhile to acclimate to the discomfort of the constant cold, the constant walking, the constant wind. 

On the first half of the first day, we saw the giant herd, thousands of animals, more than I had ever seen in New Mexico, pushing across the other side of the valley and straight toward us. It was a riverflow of grey and brown, stark in the day, and too far to hear their footfalls. We set up on a ridge, and Michael got into position. This time, there would be no shooting off-hand, standing up like the last time that I had done, a completely irreverent beginning. 

Michael took one shot at 350 yards and you’re bad luck, he told me. And he doesn’t like to shoot at that distance anyway. 

We walked more, and separated. I saw a small group uphill from me, and I wanted the meat, and I wanted it fast. Unlike Micheal, I did not relish in the suffering of being out on the land in the freezing cold, especially not here. There was something wrong with this place. 

I sat down and balanced my shooting arm on my knee like a tripod, even though I knew that I wasn’t stable in this position. A cow looked at me over the edge of the ridge. I got her in my sights broadside. A raptor flew over. I took a shot. I’d like to think that I asked for permission from some higher power, but I’m not sure that I thought about it much. It wasn’t like it was with the first elk. 

She ran down hill and I heard the terrible thunder of another shot, and went to see where she had dropped with Michael’s second shot. I had only blasted her front leg, shattering it. She lay dying slowly. And she was young, perhaps a yearling. Perhaps a year older. 


And oh jesus, I thought, I owe amends on this one. I wanted to roll back time, to not have taken the shot, to not fancy myself a hunter without the skills to back it up. I didn’t want to be any part of the violence over this land, and yet she lay slowly dying and needed to be cleaned. 

Michael saw another injured and limping elk in the valley below us, injured either from his first shot, but probably from other hunters. And had I been more competent to clean and carry out my elk by myself, he could have taken her. He didn’t, though, because there was too much work to do with the elk we had down. We quartered her and carried the meat several miles back to the truck. As we slept in the freezing cold, battered by wind, I thought of the injured elk out on the land, and what would likely happen to her. I pushed back thoughts of a curse. 

Michael told me that the meat would be good, and that if I had killed a yearling at least I didn’t kill a mother. He reminded me of what ‘natural’ death might have been like for her, and I thought of the bull limping through the caldera. Nevertheless I had committed the mistakes of a person in over her head. I hadn’t thought about shooting the last cow in a line of walking elk (because that’s where the older ones out of their calf-bearing years walk), hadn’t asked for permission, and this one hadn’t given herself to me. 

My amends, I told the animal, will be to never eat beef. I knew that in addition to suffering at the hands of fallible and greedy hunters, that these elk were suffering from their competition with cattle. I felt that I could at least do that to make it up to the herd, although I would never be able to give this young cow her life back, nor change how it ended. 

Driving back to Utah with the animal in my pickup through some of the most beautiful country I had ever seen, I talked to my friend Stan, who used to hunt with his Cherokee grandfather. He listened to my guilt and shame. Well, you took her now, he said, so your job is to use her energy the best that you can. 

What the fuck else would I be doing Stan, I said. I hung her in my boyfriend’s garage in Utah and carefully butchered her myself, feeding scraps to my dog, and taking the amount of care with each piece of meat that I wish that I had taken with the shot. 

My friend Alexis had taught me how to butcher, which she learned from her father. He took particular pride in the way that he wrapped his meat, first in plastic wrap and then with particular folds of the freezer paper, each section becoming a Christmas present, a special gift. But this time, unlike the first, I didn’t relish the meat. Her father was a white settler and an amazing hunter who could shoot offhand at more than 200 yards and kill something. Alexis, who is an amazing hunter, talks about how he is the best hunter that she has ever seen. He took his own life a few years ago, and I like to think about honoring him and his trauma by wrapping the meat just exactly right. 

No one ever taught me to hunt at a young age, so I didn’t know this: hunting is not romantic. If I want to have fantasies of being more connected to the land, my food, and the ancestors by hunting, then these fantasies had better be backed up by a masterful level of technical skill and attention to detail. And that skill is hard-won, expensive, boring, disciplined, and dirty. Otherwise it’s all just a fantasy.

Settler Fantasies and Fences II: Elk and the Caldera

Driving through the Valles Caldera at night, elk appear in an instant at the side of the road. They pivot like darts in the weak and impossibly narrow tunnel of my headlights, returning to the blackness. Great 500-pound ghosts, they float over roadside fences on plodding ungulate wings and crazy steampunk joint mechanisms. Grey-blue-brown in the moonlight, these ghosts have become exempt from both the rules of barbed wire and gravity in my fantasies. Like giant bunnies they spring silently across the landscape. 

Don and I decided to visit the Valles Caldera every full moon in 2019, having gotten special permission to do so from the Park authorities (whose right to grant such permission was questionable). Don Usner is a photographer who grew up between Chimayo and Los Alamos. He has been such a part of the New Mexico landscape, both natural and cultural, for so many decades, that he is able to get things like permission to be in special places. This is why he is such a stunning portrait photographer; he has a knack for special permission. Don always passes the radar test for authenticity that many people have for loving and genuine beings. 

So, special permission granted, we headed to the Caldera with each full moon. Don has two books about the Valles Caldera, a collaboration with William DeBuys called Valles Caldera: A Vision for New Mexico’s National Preserve, published with UNM Press, http://mnmpress.org/?p=allBooks&id=234 and a forthcoming book, also called Valles Caldera, where he explores what has happened since the 2011 fire that transformed the landscape. Some of our full moon escapades are featured in his new book. (One of them, the one that emblazoned itself on both of our minds the mosts, was a blizzard that we skied through in February 2019. We could barely see through the blizzard-like conditions, and we were worried that we wouldn’t be able to keep our hands warm even with the best ski gloves available, and I was actually worried about our safety. But we saw a woman from Jemez Pueblo walking through the blizzard with no gloves, carrying an eagle feather from her grandfather with her. The rest of the story is Don’s to tell.)

Great herds of elk, thousands of cows, bulls, and calves own the landscape, which here in the Valles Caldera is more protected from cattle grazing than most places. As a technology of mass destruction in the American West, cattle rival and reinforce barbed wire. On one hike in June as they were bugling Don and I sat in a stand of trees, half burnt and half alive, looking south over the Valle. We rested after footspringing across huge cloud tufts of grass (as grass is supposed to be), our feet wet from the stream.

Sniffing, snorting, the herd was right behind us, and we signaled to each other not to make noise. Several cows streamed downhill on either side of us, accompanied by a mid-size bull with a fractured leg. He limped pathetically along on a crooked stick of a leg, probably hungry and exhausted. His antlers had a few points and still had their fur. Don and I gaped. What had fractured his leg? It couldn’t have been the shot of a hunter because it was months before hunting season. Perhaps he had miscalculated and gotten caught in a fence, or had hurt it in a fight with another elk.

Watching him was like watching the slow creep of death. Natural death is brutal. But if a fence had been involved in this mortal wound, it may not even be accurate to call this death “natural.” On the other hand human infrastructure is so inextricably wound into the ‘natural’ landscape now, maybe our view of boundaries between ‘natural’ and ‘man-made’ have become obsolete. 

The bull and the cows proceeded across the cloud tufts of grass, and we had to will ourselves not to wonder what would happen to him next.  

It’s easy to imagine that elk escape the violence of fences because of their sheer athleticism, or because they inhabit a slightly different plane of reality that just overlaps with ours. But of course that logic applies only in ideal circumstances, and only to adult animals. Packs of smart coyote often use fences to corralle herds of elk, deer, or antelope, because when these animals have to cross fences in large numbers in a hurry, they bunch up and make fatal mistakes. Often the juveniles can’t escape. The article below from the Rocky Mountain Elk Foundation cites a study about just how fatal fences can be for elk:

In 2006, Justin Harrington published his graduate research on ungulate fatalities in fences. Over two years, Harrington rode more than 600 miles of fenceline in northeastern Utah and northwestern Colorado. Big herds of elk, mule deer and pronghorn inhabit this region, where sagebrush, conifer and aspen cloak the mountains and ribbons of willow and cottonwood line the streams, all of it intermixed with farmlands and grazing lands. Over two years, Harrington recorded the number of elk, deer and pronghorn carcasses found in or near fences.

Harrington found that, on average, one ungulate per year was caught and fatally tangled for every 2.5 miles of fence. Most died after getting their legs caught in the top two fence wires. The most lethal type of fence was woven wire (also called sheep fence or field fence) topped with a strand of barbed wire. As you might expect, young animals were eight times more likely to die trying to jump a fence than adults, and mortalities peaked in August, the time when young are weaned and become more independent.

While a carcass caught in a fence is grisly and tough to miss, there’s a more invisible heartbreak. Harrington often found carcasses lying near fences as well—an average of one animal per 1.2 miles of fence each year, twice the number he’d found ensnared. Ninety percent of these were the remains of fawns and calves found lying in a curled position. Tragically, when these young ones could not follow their mothers under or over a fence, they simply curled up to wait and eventually died of exposure, starvation or predation. Most of these casualties were found next to woven wire fences.

Settler Fantasies and Fences Part I: “The West”

She used to work in a diner

Never saw a woman look finer

I used to order just to watch

her float across the floor

She grew up in a small town

Never put her roots down

Daddy always kept movin’,

so she did too.

Somewhere on a desert highway

She rides a Harley-Davidson

Her long blonde hair

flyin’ in the wind

She’s been runnin’ half her life

The chrome and steel she rides

Collidin’ with

the very air she breathes

The air she breathes

—Unknown Legend, by Neil Young 

I used to picture myself as the woman in that song when I was young. But I wouldn’t be riding a Harley– I’ve always hated the noise of them. I would be riding a horse in my imagination.  And I might (or might not) be on a desert highway. But for sure I would be taking off across open land somewhere in the high desert. The specifics of my fantasy were different than the song, but the mood fit perfectly. Young’s lyrics really appealed to something in the zeitgeist of some of us growing up in the suffocation of the suburbs. 

Often I could only escape the suffocating orbit of claustrophobia and existential dread by taking off on a road trip; it did the trick every time. But being a Midwesterner, I never drove across the West until I was 21year old and I packed up all my stuff in my purple Saturn station wagon, picked my brother up from college in the Midwestern cornfields, and headed out to LA to help organize the socialist revolution (where the multiracial working class seemed most radical and most poised to choke off the supply lines US capitalism.  What happened there is a story for a different day.)  

Around northwestern Nebraska, fantasies about taking off across open country started. I had never seen anything like these proto-badlands, let alone the mountains we were about to drive through. The drama of the landscapes we passed was nothing like I could have ever imagined. You know that you’ve grown up indoors when the only way your brain can wrap around the other-worldly shapes the earth produces in badlands is to compare them to fantasy and science fiction movies, you’ve seen, like Star Wars and The Neverending Story. At 80mph, of course, it was impossible to notice that the grass had been trashed, sprangleheads trampled by cows, robbed of their majesty, homogenized. But as with all dramatic landscapes, it’s more about the imagination for most people and less about the reality.. The movies that we grew up on are always called to mind. One develops an appetite to see more and more and more. 

When we hit the desert, nothing about it looked empty to me. Rather it was impossibly full of every shade of gold, brown, and red, tarnished copper mixed into the mountainsides. The desert wicked the existential dread off my skin along with beadlets of sweat. With every open landscape, I would imagine myself either wandering across it, or perhaps galloping. 

But here’s the thing: stop your car anywhere, maybe for a pee, or just to look around, or have your dog get a little run in. And wherever you stop, there will be barbed wire fences, I promise you that. Scars from the Devil’s Rope run across every place you can stop along the interstate. If you wanted to gallop a horse across it, you would first have to figure out how to get your horse to wherever you want to go, and then you would have to figure out how to get behind the barbed wire fence. In some cases it’s not too hard, just a cow gate, but you’d be trespassing, for sure. You can’t just pull over off of a highway and start walking across open land, because there isn’t any. You’ll run into a barbed wire fence within feet.  

On this particular trip we didn’t stop in  McLean Texas, But if we had, we could have visited the barbed wire museum,  where founder Delbert Trew can tell you how barbed wire “civilized the West.”  Trew explains, “The whole significance of barbed wire is it’s a barrier. That’s what we use to delineate our land, draw our lines; this is mine, this is yours.” 

I can imagine a future where a barbed wire fence museum, like the Museum of Torture in Argentina, is a critical reminder of what went wrong, a chronicle of the kinds of barbaric practices that we have to put a stop to, and where they came from historically.  But this Barbed Wire Museum is not that; it’s a celebration of colonialism and the enclosure of land. 

But on the particular trip that I’m describing, driving from Chicago to LA, my brother and I, in our early twenties and straight out of the Midwestern suburbs, just wanted to drink in the majesty. We stopped for a night in the Grand Canyon. Driving from Flagstaff into the park at night, I tried to avoid hitting deer or elk by training my vision on the sides of the road. I rocketed the Saturn off a dead deer lying in the middle of the road, sending us airborne. The next day we had organs hanging off the chassis of the car. We checked out the Grand Canyon for a couple of hours and then got back in the car to continue daydreaming across the West. By the time we hit LA, we were so sick of being in the car together that we had a fistfight on the beach in Santa Monica. 

But as imperfect as this little foray into the West was, I had fallen in love with the desert. As time went on and I used LA as my basecamp for getting out, I got more savvy. I learned how to read maps, a combo of topo maps, road maps, and Google Earth, as well as some hunting apps, to be able to distinguish between the patchwork of public and private land, and later between different types of public land. According to the Congressional Research Service, almost 50% of lands in the Western states are held by the federal government. The CRS data includes lands held by the Department of the Interior (BLM, Fish and Wildlife, and the National Park Service), the Forest Service in the US Dept of Agriculture, and the US Department of Defense (bombing sites).  

I learned to prefer BLM land, the least regulated, where you can usually pull off down any dirt road, set up a tent, and camp.  Preferably look for a preexisting fire ring, but feel free to open a bottle of wine and get out the snacks wherever.  In National Forests, on the other hand, you can steer clear of the ATV’s and shooting ranges of BLM land, and it tends to be more pristine. You’re less likely to see wells and dump sites. But on the other hand, you’re more likely to run into fire and camping restrictions. I mostly learned to steer clear of National Parks because of their crowds and dog restrictions, although it is easy to get away if you can backpack.  The appetite that we’ve developed for more, for greater grandiosity in natural landscapes means that the National Parks, while the most dramatic, are also overrun. If one can appreciate the magic in subtler things, its easier to get away from crowds. 

I like to imagine what you can see if you take off down each of the dirt roads on BLM land or other types of federal land.  Once a boyfriend and I drove from New Mexico to California, all along backcountry highways, dirt as often as possible. I annoyed the hell out of him by looking off down each dirt track and saying, “I wonder what is down there.” Because when you take off down random dirt roads enough times, given the proper clearance, you learn that there’s almost always something really magic down there. Like: a soft arroyo protected from the wind to sleep in, like old ironwood forests where one can see the tangled chaos of an old flash flood in slow motion, like vistas you could have never dreamed up.  I imagined a different kind of magic down each one. The one real terror I’ve had in my life is losing touch with the magic in the world.  I guess he thought I meant I wanted to actually drive down each of them. 

“I feel like you’re dissatisfied with what we’re actually doing, with the road that we’re actually on,” he would say, and he had a certain point. But at the same time, what’s wrong with wondering? 

On this particular trip, we made the mistake of getting really tired while we were in Navajo Nation. We had turned north at a major intersection where we should have turned south, and we ended up on the rez after dark fell and we were tired from driving all day.  We made the mistake of thinking that we could just find a road to pull over on, pitch a tent, and go to sleep like usual.  

But every little turnoff was gated up and padlocked with three coils of chain. We were hallucinating tired and super annoyed with each other. He was mad at me for looking down at my maps and phone to try to find a solution, rather than helping him to keep an eye on the road. And I was mad at him for not knowing any better in the first place. 

Because of course, out on the reservation, if everyone from anywhere was allowed to pull over and use the land, what else would happen besides what has happened historically?  Why wouldn’t the Diné stewards of the land just expect settlers to trash it?  It was the most locked down place that I had been in awhile.  Finally we found a dam that we pulled over next to, pulled all the shit out of the back of the truck, and slept in there without a tent.  We slept with our legs all bent up, and woke up crabby and annoyed with each other.  Some of the magic had gone out of things.

In the days when I lived in California, I liked to rant about how all land should be public land, and how I should be able to pull up my truck anywhere and pitch my tent where I wanted to.  That, to me, was freedom.  I thought I had learned how to get behind the barbed wire. It didn’t occur to me until much later that public land is stolen land. Who was this mythical public, and where had they gotten the land from? 

And herein lies the tension in the conservation movement. Because the whole Western concept of conservation is that to preserve the land, you have to remove people from it. My white friends and I had developed an obsession for getting away from people. And there is something uniquely annoying about clueless tourists, a group to which I have and sometimes do belong. But the desire to visit “pristine” places untouched by humans is deeply fantastical. I for one sometimes conflate fantasy and magic, but I would like not to. 

Mangkhut and Maria

Mangkhut and Maria 

It was different this time. 

The wind was low like it was crawling

Robert Tumaneg said in Luzon to a newspaper reporter.

It shook the earth like an earthquake.

Imagine 

wind, come to rob you of things 

fresh and powerful, like the metallic tang of a loved one 

after an adrenaline shot. 

When everything is still, 

half a world away 

hot stagnant soup of air refuses to move 

all the energy being elsewhere 

you rotting inside your house 

one harassing mosquito 

visiting bright venom under your skin all night

the moon half full of everything.

Empathy is nearly impossible then 

if it means true understanding because 

terrible wind crawling under your house 

is not a thing to understand 

when nothing even rumples your newspaper. 

The wind is everything when it is that.

The rivers demanded the course they used to have

Chemi Rosado said about Maria 

at an art opening in the desert

a universe away from the island. 

Bent palms brown water 

overflowing feces 

dead pigs

people carrying each other from houses 

mudslides collapsed mines 

electrical wires 

pruned fingers and toes 

bloated wood 

Shipwreck.

These are words that the imagination can wrap around.

But not the constant terror of the wind. 

When the wind is like that 

it is not a thing for thinking about

it is only everything. 

Things were different this time.

Racism, white people, and history

Review of The Sum of Us: What racism costs everyone and how we can prosper together

Heather McGhee’s The Sum of Us: What racism costs everyone and how we can prosper together, published this year by One World (a Random House imprint) is a book to be reckoned with. An American Studies and Economics scholar and also a J.D., McGhee headed the progressive think tank Demos and worked there for the better part of two decades. While at Demos, she saw how “the fear of what white people would think held back the ambitions of some of the best policy thinkers in the business. Our politics have operated in the shadow of white disapproval all my life,” she says (279). The book is a well-documented account of how the U.S. ruling elite “divided both to conquer each,” in the words of Frederick Douglass. 

McGhee explains for a mainstream audience why racism is the most important factor explaining “why we can’t have nice things” in this country. Only a small and shrinking minority of Americans have access to “nice things” like good wages, good healthcare, and quality public education. But for “good things,” like clean air and water and good infrastructure, arguably no one has them anymore. She makes a convincing case that racism has played the leading role in justifying the theft of such public goods from everyone. 

The metaphor that runs through the book to explain this concept is the history of public swimming pools and integration in the United States. (This one hit home with me, as a person whose sanity since I was a fairly typical white child has been closely tied to how many laps I have been able to swim at public pools or beaches throughout my life.) In many cities, though, “racism drained the pools.” When Tommy Cummings, a Black teenager, drowned in Patapsco River in 1953 in Baltimore the NAACP sued for equal access to public pools, and they won in 1956. But white children simply stopped going to pools that Black children could access, and white people kept Black children out of certain pools through vigilante violence. In some towns, pools were privatized and only accessible to residents with enough money to join the club. In Montgomery Alabama, the city that was the beating heart of the  intra-U.S. slave trade after the transatlantice trade was abolished, the Oak Park pool (which had also contained a zoo, a community center, and public parks), was cemented over in 1959. Rather than integrating, nobody got nice stuff like a pool in Montgomery and many other cities. 

McGhee’s comments on unionization, poverty, and the fates of workers of all racial backgrounds are extremely useful. She has paid close attention to these questions her whole life, growing up in a Black working class neighborhood in Chicago, and having an uncle who was a unionized auto-worker in Detroit. Observing her uncle and his friends, she saw examples of cross-racial solidarity and the kind of “solidarity dividend” it can provide for people. When “no one fights alone,” she argues, all workers are able to push back against the dehumanizing conditions of the modern workplace, from factories to service jobs, and to benefit from increasing control over the conditions of their work and better wages, as well as justice for oppressed groups. She makes a convincing case about the reason for the successes to date of the Fight for $15 campaign in the fast food industry in recent years. “[I]t became clear to me,” she says, “that [union organizers] had thought through their racial analysis. In their protest signs, speeches, and demands, they weren’t just talking about class issues while tacking on comments about racial pay disparities, they were explicitly saying that overcoming racism was crucial to their class-based goal.” Organizing workers at McDonald’s, Subway, KFC, and other fast food chains, they coordinated their actions with major civil rights anniversaries and connected with the Black Lives Matter movement. But they also explicitly invited white workers into the fight for racial justice, and helped those white workers to understand why they had to be part of a beloved community fighting for equality for all. 

She contrasts their organizing strategy and its gains to the less successful United Auto Workers (UAW) campaign at a Nissan plant in Jackson, Mississippi in 2017. McGhee visited the workers’ center in Jackson, and talked to worker-organizers, the majority of them Black, about the racial disparities at the plant. Around 40% of the workers at the plant, the majority of them Black, are considered non-permanent at the plant and given the most gruelling and dangerous jobs. Women who were eight months pregnant were forced to work on the assembly line and not given light duty. These temporary workers were not allowed to cast ballots in the union election. The victory of the organizing campaign would have therefore rested on convincing white workers who had become permanent and moved up to less dangerous jobs that they would benefit by throwing in their lot with their less well-off coworkers than they would be staying loyal to the company. The organizing drive lost. McGhee concludes that the more senior workers, disproportionately white, voted against the union because they perceived that the union would benefit Black workers, and cost them some of their relative privileges with regard to working conditions. As one of the Black workers, Earl, said, “‘Even the white guys on the line, they felt that they would lose some power if we had a union. The view is, white people are in charge, I’m in charge’” (120). Unlike the Fight for 15 organizing drive, the one at the Nissan plant had not built multiracial solidarity by winning majority support for the idea that racial justice and workers’ rights are intertwined. 

Reading McGhee’s book, I couldn’t help but think how deeply in conversation it may have been with WEB DuBois’ 1935 Black Reconstruction in America. But the section on the Nissan workers is one of the few places where she cites DuBois and his theory of a “psychological wage,” DuBois’ word for some of the material and non-material benefits white workers got from a white supremacist system. It is worth quoting DuBois at length (as McGhee does): 

“It must be remembered that the white group of laborers, while they received a low wage, were compensated in part by a sort of public and psychological wage. They were given public deference and titles of courtesy because they were white. They were admitted freely with all classes of white people to public functions, public parks, and the best schools. The police were drawn from their ranks, and the courts, dependent on their votes, treated them with such leniency as to encourage lawlessness. Their vote selected public officials, and while this had small effect on the economic situation, it had great effect upon their personal treatment and the deference shown to them. White school houses were the best in the community, and, conspicuously placed, and they cost anywhere from twice to ten times as much per capita as colored schools. The newspapers specialized on news that flattered poor white and almost utterly ignored the Negro except in crime and ridicule. 

On the other hand, in the same way, the Negro was subject to public insult; was afraid of mobs; was liable to the jibes of children and the unreasoning fears of white women; and was compelled almost continuously to submit to various badges of inferiority. The result was that the wages of both classes could be kept low, the whites fearing to be supplanted by Negro labor, the Negros always being threatened by the subsitution of white labor.” 

In fact, McGhee brings DuBois’ argument up to date with 21st century statistics, showing that wages for all workers have been the worst in the South, where the legacy of slavery and Jim Crow have kept workers most divided, to the detriment of all workers, not just Black workers. 

I’ll return to DuBois, but McGhee’s description of what happened at the Nissan plant in 2017 made me wonder if the same dynamics were at work at the Bessemer union organizing drive at the Amazon plant there, where the Retail, Wholesale and Department Store Union (RWDSU) was defeated recently after a massive anti-union campaign by the world’s wealthiest man. In this insightful article by labor organizer Jane McLeavy in The Nation, however, https://www.thenation.com/article/activism/bessemer-alabama-amazon-union/

She makes a convincing case that the union organizing drive did not even have the support of the majority of the Black community, and lays most of the blame at the feet of union strategists, who were not from Bessemer (and no small part of the blame at the feet of the national media.) 

“Zero-Sum,” White Privilege, and Don’t Skip Chapter One! 

As an organized socialist and rank-and-file teacher union organizer with United Teachers Los Angeles, I have spent a lot of time engaging with DuBois’ idea that racism hurts the working class in the U.S. as a whole, so I was glad to see McGhee bring it so eloquently up to date with 21st century material, as well as a lot of new perspectives on this idea. But one thing that never sat right with me is the question: so are white people (at least the 75 million who voted for Trump, or the people who vote against a union at their workplace in Bessemer or Jackson) just fooled then?  The Marxist way of explaining this is that they have “false consciousness” put into their heads by the trickery of the ruling class.  But are people really just dumb? 

Sometimes in the past socialists have rather ham-handedly made the argument that there’s no such thing as “white privilege” because of the argument (laid out in McGhee’s book) that racism works against all our interests. Here’s an example: http://socialistworker.org/2002-1/399/399_09_Oppression.php 

The groups that I was involved in did a lot of work to fight racism- protesting police brutality, organizing against mass incarceration, taking on anti-immigrant right-wingers, fighting for legalization for everyone, and a lot more. But I think that some of us were a little too eager in our polemicizing against the idea of “white privilege” (and I say “we” because I did it too).  After all, as a white person, didn’t that kind of let me off the hook, at least psychologically?  Because even if racism hurts all working and lower class people in an ultimate sense, people who say that, therefore there is no white privilege, sound like they don’t understand racism- the everyday levels of violence faced by people of color in the U.S., the criminalization of Blackness, the discrimination at every level of public and private life from housing to homeownership to the workplace to medical treatment. 

That’s why it’s refreshing that McGhee shifts the debate away from this term entirely, and talks about the concept of a “Zero Sum” game. I think she does this because the debate about white privilege is old and tired, and it seems to trigger a lot of white people who feel exploited and oppressed in the late neoliberal capitalist system that we are all living in and through. She cautions that we cannot fall into the trap that says that for people of color to gain in this society, white people have to lose, as though the interests between the two groups are diametrically opposed. She argues instead for organizing around the concept of a “solidarity dividend,” that we will all benefit in terms of healthcare, a Green New Deal, union representation and therefore better wages, swimming pools, etc, if we organize together instead of seeing our interests as opposed.  If we can stand up against racism together, McGhee hopes, we can organize movements and campaigns for these greater goods. 

But there are and were ways that economic and social life in the United States are a zero sum game, starting with the theft of land from Indigenous peoples and its appropriation by white families. McGhee spends Chapter One exploring ways in which things have been zero sum. On page 7 she explains that “European invaders of the New World believed that war was the only sure way to separate Indigenous people from the lands they coveted. Their version of settler colonialism set up a zero-sum competition for land that would shape the American economy to the present day, at an unforgivable cost. The death toll of South and North American Indigenous people in the century after first contact was so massive – an estimated 56 million lives, or 90 percent of all the lands’ original inhabitants, through either war or disease- that it changed the amount of carbon in the atmosphere.” On page 8 she talks about colonial slavery, and she develops a sharp description of the way that white women in particular benefitted from the enslavement of Africans. Further, she says on page 10, “Many of the laws oppressing workers of color did so to the direct benefit of poor whites, creating a zero-sum relationship between these two parts of the colonial underclass. In 1705, a new Virginia law granted title and protection to the little property that any white servant might have accumulated- and simultaneously confiscated the personal property of all the enslaved people of the colony.” And, like DuBois, McGhee talks about the “psychic benefit” of belonging to the master class.  

The evidence that she provides in Chapter One helps to support a thesis that historian David Roediger developed in his 1991 The Wages of Whiteness.  By looking largely at newspapers and the speeches of labor leaders, he showed that white supremacy is not something that was created by the ruling class to trick the working classes as some Marxists had argued, but was deeply co-created by elite and working class whites alike. And this makes sense, if there were actual material, as well as psychological benefits to white people of all classes of a white supremacist system. The whole research premise for Roediger’s book was deeply inspired by DuBois. And if Roediger is correct, than it is much too simple to say that poor white people who vote for Republicans are just dupes. 

My point in citing the page numbers above was to say that Chapter One is by far the shortest in McGhee’s book, and one of my concerns about the book is that some people, like those ham-handed white socialists a little too eager in arguing against the concept of white privilege, could conveniently skim over this short chapter and not deeply engage with the problematic of — what about those benefits?  If there used to be zero-sum material benefits to white settlers from the theft of Indigenous land and labor of enslaved Africans, have they ended? At what point in history did that happen? 

 In a sense, I think the way that McGhee deals with this question is very interesting, and refreshing. She says, “But I have to remind myself, that it was true [zero-sum competition] only in the sense that it is what happened— it didn’t have to happen that way. It would have been better for the sum of us if we’d had a different model. Yes, the zero-sum story of racial hierarchy was born along with the country, but it is an invention of the worst elements of our society: people who gained power through ruthless exploitation and kept it by sowing constant division” (14). Yes, an alternative history would have probably benefited everyone except the ruling elite. Perhaps there could have been a successful slave revolution in the U.S. before or after the one in Haiti or at least a mass abandonment of the plantation. Perhaps communities of marooned slaves could have joined with Indigsnous peoples who dished out to the entire U.S. Army what they dished out to Custer. Perhaps poor white people with the humility to do so could have been invited to join the cooperations between these groups, instead of returning to Europe, or later, instead of joining the ranks of urban workers whose bodies and spirits were ground up in the factories. But I am a bit unsatisfied with her answer, because I want to know if there is, in fact, an alternative history possible within the context of this 250-year long project called the United States of America. 

Is this a Project Worth Saving? A Question of Land 

 DuBois originally wrote his 1935 masterpiece under the title “Black Reconstruction of Democracy in America,” and its central thesis was that the demands of emancipated slaves in the South during Reconstruction, such as free and universal education, free and universal suffrage, and equal rights for all had the potential to save American democracy for everyone. In addition to these public goods, Radical Reconstructionists were also deeply committed to redistribution of property and reparations for slavery, such as the “40 acres and a mule” proposition that land should be returned to the tillers. DuBois had ideas about how we might have gotten to this radical redistribution; in his chapter “Mass Strike,” he argues that the Civil War and the lead-up to it were the largest mass strike in U.S. history. Black labor, slaves, stopped working or slowed to a crawl. They showed that the capitalist system could not continue to function without their work, and they withheld it. In order for slaves to be emancipated, it took the largest war in U.S. history along with a mass strike of Black labor. Nothing less could have overcome this basic threat to property rights- as slave owners saw the issue of emancipation. With the recent Senate victories of Georgia Democrats, many of us could harken back to DuBois and say, “See, Black people are saving the U.S. from itself yet again.” Many think that the Black liberation struggle has a special role to play in delivering the ideals of American democracy and saving the system from itself.  But we have to ask ourselves what we are trying to save. 

This aspiration inspires the optimistic note that McGhee ends on, which is the possibility of liberating all of us, if we do what the Fight For 15 campaign did, which is to put racial justice at the center of class demands, and show white people that their participation in such struggle is welcome. And I agree with her that a multiracial movement for liberation is possible. 

But on the other hand, something must be continuing to fuel white supremacy in the white working classes besides just stupidity or “false consciousness,” and I think that it’s the issue of land and property. 98% of rural land is owned by white people, and this is land that has been stolen from Indigenous people not very many generations ago. https://www.motherjones.com/food/2020/06/black-farmers-soul-fire-farm-reparations-african-legacy-agriculture/


In addition to land theft from Indigensous peoples, government policies intentionally moved Black sharecroppers farmers off the land and shifted that land into the hands of rural whites, so that Black farmers have lost 90% of the land that they once farmed in 1920. This is the absolute inverse of the kind of redistributive reparations that Reconstruction called for. In fact, one white person, Bill Gates, owns more farmland than some of the largest Indigenous nations in North America that once stewarded the land. https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2021/apr/05/bill-gates-climate-crisis-farmland

Gates owns 242,000 acres of farmland. But he is not the only white settler on stolen land.  As the example of Bill Gates shows, rural land is in fact concentrated in the hands of relatively few white people. But still, to solve this problematic, white non-property owners would have to give up their familial and psychological association with white people who do own large tracts of land. McGhee deals in the book with the way that white people’s generational wealth depends on homeownership in a way that Black people have been excluded from by redlining and other policies. 30% of the gap in wealth between white families and Black families is explained by homeownership.  But this doesn’t really address the control of productive land. 

As McGhee describes white psychology, she has a lot of great insights. She describes deep-rooted paranoia that some white people have that if the tables are turned, people of color will retaliate with the same brutality with which they have been treated. This fear that has absolutely no basis in the reality of the spirit with which people of color organize for their equality. The psychological term for this is “projection” that she explains is a useful way for understanding this white paranoia. She also describes the guilt of being white perhaps most eloquently expressed by Wendell Berry in his 1968 The Hidden Wound. And she describes with empathy and real understanding what the white workers at the Nissan plant in Jackson must have been thinking to vote against the union. 

But isn’t it also true that private, white ownership of productive land will have to end if we are to have any measure of equality in this country, and stop ourselves from entirely trashing our natural resources?  Returning land to Indigsnous stewardship, likely our best bet for organizing food production around sustainable and drought-resistant principles and stopping earth-destroying carbon extraction, will require that some people have to give up their property. And maybe some of the fuel for white supremacy comes from the fact that deep down, many of us know this, and know that we live on stolen land. 

In addition to her concept of a “solidarity dividend” whereby a rising tide lifts all boats for working class people who stand together and organize, another antidote for white supremacy that McGee proposes are truth, racial healing, and transformation commissions. (Importantly, she does not use the terminology “Truth and Reconciliation,” because that term has too often been associated with top-down, national processes, such as in South Africa, Guatemala, and El Salvador that have played important roles in establishing a factual record but have left the perpetrators of crimes unaccountable.) The W.K. Kellogg Foundation funded research and several local pilot projects in 2016 to learn from the lessons of truth telling commissions globally and try to implement them locally.  Racial truth telling is in the spirit of the project that the Equal Justice Initiative has launched in Montgomery, Alabama- a memorial to the more than 4,000 victims of lynching in the U.S. South, and a Legacy Museaum that shows the path from slavery to mass incarceration in this country. Truth telling is extraordinarily important if we want to put our feet on the path toward justice. Genocide and slavery have been largely erased in the narrative that the United States tells about itself, or seen as historical anomalies to a country otherwise devoted to the ideals of freedom and equality. But my feeling is that the closer to the truth we get, the more we have to question the premise that the United States aspires toward the goals that it professes to. 

In her Indigensous People’s History of the United States (2014), Roxanne Dunbar Ortiz points out that the American Revolution was never a revolution for equality and liberty.  It was a war of colonial secession; the American colonists sought to free themselves of British restrictions on and regulations of the theft of the Indigenous land. The major impetus for their drive to separate from Britain is that they wanted to take the reins off and run amok freely across the continent, taking land without any restrictions by the British crown.  That was not an accidental bi-product of an otherwise progressive revolution, it was its driving impetus. Real estate, then and now, is the raison d’etre of the United States. 

So perhaps the goal should not be about rescuing “American Democracy” (which, she writes, was never a real democracy), but about letting go of a project called the United States that is genocidal to its core, and the sanctity of private property which is its most important principle. White supremacy is deeply tied up with private (white) ownership of land. Maybe tearing down barbed wire fences and laying in front of bulldozers trying to clear land for pipelines will be one of the first important projects of a multiracial liberation movement. Like McGhee, I believe that a multiracial liberation movement is not only possible but also in (almost) everyone’s best interests. In fact, it is probably our only chance of longer term survival as a species. To get there, though, let’s take truth-telling all the way to its fullest possible extent, and let go of any ideas or structures that will hinder our imaging of a different future.  

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Cat and Dog

A Settler Pandemic Poem 

Cat thinks a lot 

walks, each leg a separate stalking 

plan 

fat lizard-mouthed  

sits down 

takes in the situation on 

allergy-down silk stockings.

So tiny and so huge. 

Is he bored because it is all so banal 

and he misses the world of the spirits?

What platform does Cat use 

to hack my dreams?

Because like Big Brother, he Knows 

kneading me last night, middream 

erotic and violent 

after the Zoom dance party 

after the data collection 

after the Zoombomb, Malware, years after 

WhatsApp used to organize death squads 2.0 in 

El Salvador.  

Dog patrols the perimeter 

pistonlegged, curiousnosed

Motion 

is everything to her. 

Canter-circling sprangletops 

shit to roll in, lizards 

to not catch, wheels spinning.

Is she bored when forced 

to sit still 

comfy and pawheaded in the dirt?

Does Dog imagine the future, 

or is it cancelled? 

Does she feel claustrophobia, seek 

platforms of connection as an antidote to boredom, wash

off existential dread in cowboy pool waterfall, dream 

of sandpaper cattongue?  

Does she sweat as she fearfully side-eyes 

thermal-gliding Hawkrider? 

Repent for her settlerhood? 

Pray to belong to an uncolonial future? 

Decarceration and Repression in New Mexico

Within days of George Floyd’s killing, the state of New Mexico stepped into full repression mode against Black Lives Matter and decarceration activists, arresting myself and a leading Movement for Black Lives/Cop Watch activist Clifton White.  I was booked into a private prison with confirmed Covid-19 cases for over 24 hours as a punishment for protesting prison conditions; he languished behind bars for five months because of the draconian parole system.  While the state intentionally exposed me to Covid as a punishment for protesting (note: I’m white), what happened to Clifton (who is Black) shows the structural injustices of the criminal injustice system.  But over the past few months, thousands of New Mexicans have been drawn into a conversation about prison abolition, as well as what decolonization would look like. At the same time, Trump was sending federal law enforcement agents to Albuquerque under Operation Legend.  

New Mexico’s deadly carceral state is built on stolen land, with over ten sprawling prisons located in rural areas taken from Indigensous peoples – within the lifetimes of the grandparents of some of the elders who continue to live and tell stories there.  Some of these mega-cages are located right next to reservations.  This is especially dangerous with Covid-19 running rampant because as of the summer of 2020  57% of people infected with Covid in this state were native.  https://www.abqjournal.com/1461218/huge-disparity-in-covid19-death-rates-for-native-americans-in-nm.html

About half of inmates in New Mexico are incarcerated in private, for-profit prisons– CoreCivic, GeoGroup, and Management Training Corporation (MTC).  In Otero County, by the summer 80% of the thousand prisoners in a private prison run by MTC, which houses county, federal, and ICE prisoners, are infected with Covid-19.  https://www.santafenewmexican.com/news/coronavirus/nearly-80-of-state-inmates-at-otero-county-prison-facility-infected/article_ea83d514-b632-11ea-a1f3-d33423be2e8a.html. Now nearly all of them have it.

As the pandemic hit like a tsunami, the “progressive” Democratic governor, Michelle Lujan Grisham, took otherwise rational measures to protect the state. She shut down schools, for example, after one case was identified in the state.  But she did nothing to decrease the prison population. The ACLU filed a lawsuit for the release of non-violent offenders, but lost the case in the New Mexico Supreme Court.  https://www.aclu-nm.org/en/press-releases/aclu-disappointed-new-mexico-supreme-courts-decision-deny-petition-urgent-release 

As of August 2020, only 83 prisoners had been released early. https://www.koat.com/article/prisons-protesters-step-up-as-inmate-cases-rise/33281077

In March, led by Millions for Prisoners and Fight for Our Lives, we stepped up actions and initiated #FreeThemAllFridays, driving to many state prisons and doing honk-a-thon protests and roadblocks to demand that the (supposedly progressive) Governor release prisoners to stop the spread of Covid-19.  These protests continued for nine weeks before George Floyd’s killing, and fell on deaf ears.  At the same time, leading academics from University of New Mexico and prominent doctors and public health submitted editorials to The Santa Fe New Mexican and The Albuquerque Journal warning that the high rate of viral transmission at the state’s jails and dozens of detention centers was a severe threat to the rural communities where they are located.  None of the editorials were ever published. The voices of reason and humanitarian concern for both prisoners and rural New Mexican communities were silenced.  

On May 25th, the world watched the murder of George Floyd.  On Thursday May 28th Millions for Prisoners New Mexico called for a Covid-safe car protest for Black Lives Matter, and hundreds showed up, their cars festooned with social justice messages.  Young people poured out of their cars in unplanned rage and marched through Albuquerque’s International District.  APD did their best to repress the protest, using tear gas and riot gear.  Just before midnight, leading activists Selinda Guerrero and her husband Clifton White and others witnessed and documented police torture of three Black and Chicano teenagers.  The young men were cuffed and detained by police for hours, had semi-automatic rifles pointed at them, had their cellphones broken.  They were denied access to their parents, and one young Black man was beaten so brutally while in custody of the Albuquerque Police Department that the fire department called medical aid and his parents.  The other youth were dropped off in neighborhoods far from home all over the city.  When the police left the boys’ car and keys sitting in the middle of the street as they detained them, they accused Selinda and Clifton of stealing it.  

The next day, Friday May 29th, our coalition hosted our regularly-scheduled #FreeThemAllFridays protest at the Cibola Detention Center run by CoreCivic.  The prison is located in rural Grants New Mexico, on the border of Navajo Nation, one of the most densely affected areas of Covid infection anywhere in the country.  Millions for Prisoners took the lead on publicizing the protest.  It was our tenth such protest. When we were at the facility a month earlier, we had noticed that if we honked our horns in the parking lot behind the prison, the people behind bars (a mixture of migrants detained by ICE, asylum seekers, county prisoners, and people in federal custody of the US Marshals) could hear and see us calling for their release. They waved clothing items in the windows as we drove our cars in circles, honking and chanting to let them know that someone on the outside understood what was happening to them. It brought tears to our eyes to see them waving to us, and we heard reports from the inside that it lifted their spirits. Because nothing is as bad as being locked away and believing that you have no lifeline to the outside; that no one knows what is really happening or cares. The migrant detainees, in particular, have no reason to believe that anyone in the United States knows that they are here or can sympathize with their plight. Those here seeking asylum are not even charged with committing any crime. They are following the letter of international law in the Americas by showing up in the United States to ask for asylum. And yet many of them end up behind bars for up to a year.  

At the protest the prior month, we left when the police got on their loudspeakers and asked us to.  But on this day, on May 29th, I had signs taped to one side of my car that read “Free Them All,” with butterflies painted on them by my artist friend back in Albuquerque.  These signs are ubiquitous at the car protests against immigrant detention that affiliates of Detention Watch Network have been organizing all over the country.  On the other side of my car, I taped a sign that read “George Floyd, presente!”  We had less cars than usual because everyone was exhausted from the Black Lives Matter protest the night before.  In the parking lot, I gave our usual “safety speech” about how no one would be arrested that day.  “We are prison abolitionists,” I said, “so we don’t want anyone in jail.  We leave when the cops give the order.”  We drove around the parking lot for about a half an hour, honking our horns and playing drums.  We could see prisoners waving to us.  

Then we pulled up in front of the prison exactly as we had a month earlier.  My car, the first in line, was immediately boxed in on the road by New Mexico State Police.  Several police officers ran up from behind our cars and started beating on them with night sticks, which scared everyone very much.  Through my closed window, I asked if we could leave, and the cars that were not boxed in began to do so.  Many activists were live-streaming or taking videos, and one video captures police saying to the woman in the car next to me, “Roll down your window right now, or you are going right in there to that prison behind you.”  Within less than three minutes of us pulling up in front of the jail, the officers had broken my window, pulled me out of the car, laid me down on broken glass, and I was cuffed and sitting in the back of a police cruiser.  They called a tow truck for my car.  Everyone else was able to drive away.  

I was taken to the police station, where I repeatedly asked officers to wear their masks.  They charged me with four misdemeanors, including resisting an officer.  I repeatedly asked if I was going to be released on bond or on my own recognisance, and they would not answer to me.  To my surprise, I was driven to the very CoreCivic prison whose deplorable conditions we had come to protest.  Upon arrival I was strip-searched and given a bag of prison clothes and blankets.  When I asked the prison guard if I was being released on bond or my own reconnaissance, he squirmed.  The woman who strip-searched me told me (out of mercy I now believe because I had no idea what was happening to me), “No baby, you’re not going home. You’re going to be in here for the weekend, until you can see a judge.”  

At that moment, for the first time, terror struck me.  If I contracted coronavirus in prison, it was possible that I was being given a death sentence for attending a peaceful protest.  I know that this is the message that the state was trying to send to all protesters.  At that time, I also knew that the prison had two confirmed cases, but that they were not testing the general prison population, so we had no idea what the real numbers were.  I was put into a freezing concrete cell that a prisoner without a mask was cleaning and left there. I stared at the air conditioning vents for hours and wondered if there were particles of Covid coming in through them. At 10pm I was allowed out of my cell, and was relieved to hear that my lawyer and friend Jeff Haas had been leaving messages and his phone number for me. I wouldn’t have had the first inkling to memorize his number because we had no intention of getting arrested that day. In fact a friend in my Covid bubble was keeping dinner hot for me back in Albuquerque.

After the call with Jeff, where I told him that I thought that I was ok but that he needed to think of a way to get me out so I didn’t get Covid, I was put back into the freezing cell and told that I had to wait for the nurse.  I laid down on a foam mat and stared at the vent, wondering if the virus was coming in through it.  The woman who was booked right after me and put into the cell next to me was coughing all night.  Around 2am I was asked to pee in a cup for a pregnancy test.  Around 4am I was brought into the nurse’s office.  She wore a black mask that said in gold embroidered letters “God” and below it “Covid 19.”  The mask was only covering her mouth, not her nose.  Prisoners being booked in do not receive Covid-19 tests.  I asked if I could be isolated for the weekend, and she said “Oh you don’t have to worry about it where you are going.  All prisoners are quarantined for 14 days.”  Does that mean I’m alone? She told me that it meant that I was on the quarantine pod. I told her about my food allergy, and she wrote it down.  

I was put back into the ice-box cell and left until about 8am the next day.  While I was there reflecting, I realized that to put a human being in a cage is the worst thing that a society can do to her.  Even for a person on good emotional and mental footing, it tries one’s sanity.  In a way, I am grateful that I was locked up during the pandemic, because without that experience I would have never tasted the sheer terror that most prisoners feel when they are booked into a prison.  I thought about friends who have been tortured in Israeli jails, and about another friend who served 30 years on a wrongful conviction in Alabama.  I thought about women detained in Central America for whom rape is a constant threat.  That threat applies here in the United States as well.  I’ve often housed transgender asylum-seekers as they have been released from this very same prison, and I know what they went through.  Being afraid of contracting the virus gave me a tiny taste of their terror, and ensured that I will be a prison abolitionist for the rest of my life.  

Covid quarantine is solitary confinement.  Prisoners are not allowed to leave their cells for any reason.  Once I got into the permanent housing pod where I thought I would spend the next days, I was next to a woman who had already served 13 days in isolation on an accusation of assault with a knife.  Thinking that I would be there awhile, I asked her if there was any chance that I would be able to play basketball.  She laughed.  “This is SOLITARY,” she said.  Three TVs blared different stations, one of which was an never-ending infomercial.  I started to cry, maybe audibly. A nurse came in to see the coughing woman.  He took her temperature, and told her that she didn’t have a fever, he wouldn’t test her.   

I asked the guard for a book, and she made me take my mask off to talk to her.  There was a shelf of books, but she picked mine for me, which was a Christian book about life-after-death experiences.  I asked for a different one, but she either didn’t hear me or pretended not to.  So I read it to stop my thoughts from spinning out of control.  When lunch came, I could only eat the apple sauce and peas because I can’t eat wheat.  I didn’t have any silverware to eat.  “Silverware is supposed to be in your check-in bag,” the guard said, but there wasn’t any.  At least I did have access to soap (one tiny bar) to wash my hands, so I decided to eat with my fingers.  Showers and a phone call are on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Friday, and this being Saturday, I prepared to hunker down.  

Unbeknownst to me, my lawyer had gotten a magistrate to sign a release order before noon that day.  But I had to stay until after “call”  (prisoner count) so that I counted on the private prison’s roll for that day.  If I was counted in their numbers for the day, they would receive extra money from the state.    I was released at 4:45 pm.  As the guard, who was from the reservation, walked me out, her demeanor changed.  “We work 16 hour shifts,” she said, “So we spend more time with you than we do with our families.”  

“How many 16 hour shifts do you work in a week?” I asked, expecting that it would be three or so.  “Five, sometimes six if we’re shorthanded,” she said.  No wonder her temper was short.  I shudder to think how a person’s immune system can stand up to that, especially if they live in a place, like Navajo Nation, where the virus is rampant.  

When I was released, I’ve never been so joyful in my life.  Since my cell phone was out of battery, I ran all three miles down the rural highway to where my car was impounded. It started to rain and I was wearing some Italian leather sandals that my friend had given me. According to the tattered paperwork I had on the tow place, I had only 38 minutes to make it there before it closed, so I had to run, not walk.  I started to worry about shin splints.  I saw someone hitchhiking and considered it, but decided against it because of the pandemic.  I got lost.  Beginning to panic, I saw an older gentleman behind the locked gate of his welding shop, and called him over. I asked to use his cell phone, which was flip phone, and with shaking hands held it as far away from my face as I could to avoid contaminating it with jail germs. On the third try, the tow company, which was really just someone’s backyard, picked up. I was only a quarter of a mile away.  I thanked the generous man, aware that I had taken risks with his health by using his cell phone because of my own desperation.

My car was full of glass shards and had to be jumped because the battery was dead. But I didn’t care. I sped the hour and a half home under a stormy New Mexico sunset, cutting myself on glass dust on the seat and gear shift, and made it just before dark fell and the rain got heavy. 

The joy was short-lived.  Two days later,  Clifton White, the organizer for Millions for Prisoners who had witnessed and documented police abuse in Albuquerque the previous Thursday, was picked up on a parole violation.  He was on his 7th parole from the same 2001 case.   He was accused of violating a curfew, but he had a waiver for the curfew order from his parole officer.  He was denied a wellness check and not allowed to call his lawyer at the ACLU for civil counsel due to “risk of the spread of coronavirus on the phone receivers.”  Parole detention is legalized kidnapping; it is administrative as opposed to a criminal, meaning that a prisoner does not have the right to legal counsel or a trial.  The state can hold you administratively for the entire length of your parole without proving that you committed any crime.  So while I had good legal help and was released, Clifton languished in prison.  

We knew that since there are no means for legal redress, only political pressure would work to free Clifton.  The week after I was in jail, after a negative Covid-19 test, I attended a massive Black Lives Matter protest that featured Clifton White.  Hundreds or thousands of New Mexicans were educated about Clifton and signed a petition for his release.  We laid on the ground for eight minutes and forty-six seconds to think about what happened to George Floyd. Coordinated by organizations like Standing Up for Racial Justice (SURJ) and Free Them All New Mexico, almost-weekly phone zaps targeted Michelle Lujan Grisham and asked for Clifton’s release. We made “Free Clifton White” masks.  More car protests were organized at the Governor’s mansion. Clifton was finally freed on October 30th, five months after he was incarcerated. The picture below shows him at a rally at the Governor’s mansion a month after his release demanding justice for Rodney Applewhite, a Black man from out of state who was killed by New Mexico state police on a rural road south of Albuquerque on his way home to Arizona for Thanksgiving. 

Photograph credit Don Usner, my good friend.  

Riding the wave of confidence of the Black Lives Matter movement dismantling confederate monuments, Indigenous activists began to demand the removal of statues of genocidal Spanish conquistadors like Juan de Oñate.  In Albuquerque, as protesters pulled down a statue of Oñate, right-wing militia member Steven Baca shot and almost killed the antiracist activist Scott Williams. Before the protest, Albuquerque police were caught on camera meeting with militia groups to ask for their help in controlling the crowd.  Weeks after the shooting, the State of New Mexico charged Baca with felony assault, but he is out of jail on his own reconnaissance.   At the same time, Trump chose to send federal law enforcement agencies to cooperate with police in Albuquerque, along with Kansas City and Chicago, under Operation Legend.  Activists have little doubt that this will mean that the full force of the US surveillance state will come down on activists here.  This more than anything else makes clear that the state of New Mexico continues to support the system of white supremacy. Here in the Land of Enchantment cages of mass incarceration continue to scar and haunt the stolen land that they’re built on.